Video of The Day -- Sgt. Mahoney's Twig and Berries

VOTE!!!!

Please go out and vote today. Don't worry about the lines and the wait--do your part to make history today.

Addendum: If you are voting for McCain then please don't vote. Stay your ass home and get a clue instead.

Video of The Day -- Rude Bway

It Was Only A Matter of Time

Great Moments in Film Making: The First Minute of the Sarah Pailn Porn

Larry Flint is a genius.

If this first minute is a good indicator this is going to be terrible yet lowbrow brilliant.

My favorite bits:

• The special effects at 18 seconds
• The creepy pervert stare at 48 seconds

Mad Men Personal Marathon This Weekend

Trying to cram in all of Season One this weekend so I can start watching Season Two and finally be able to keep up with the cool kids

What does your faithfull blogger and Liz Lemon have in common?

A mutual love of chic yet affordable handbags!!!





I did some quick research and found that Liz Lemon's character makes would make about $1 million dollars a year.

My salary is just slightly lower, and by slightly I mean I make about a 5th of that (I'm rich beeotches).

So either Liz Lemon is living cheap or I am living waaay above my means.

One of the Worst People Ever

For some unknown reason Carrot Top was granted prime air-time on the largest local morning news program in the number 1 market in the country.

No I do not know why.

It didn't seem like he was promoting anything but he did a wonderful job at the following:

- Being completely frightening in appearance.

- Being Racist

- Being Sexist

- Not being funny

Feel free to join the "I really do hate you Carrot Top" Facebook Group

Way to Bury the Lead

Everyone is talking about this week's wonderfully clever Entertainment Weekly cover.



Yet no one is talking about Jon Stewart's delicate feet.



Do you think Colbert's prior dance training (see the video below) left him with busted feet, hence the need for him to be the "Michelle" and cover up his toes?

Unnecessary Things: Baby Phat Scrubs

I mean, okay, sure--health workers want to be fashionable and scrubs aren't the hippest things but this is completely ridiculous.

Baby Phat scrubs, seriously!!??






Call me when Marc Jacobs starts making a line of hardhats.

Is It Friday Yet????

Lessons in Ghetto Foods

If you have ever spent time in an inner-city area you are well aware of the fact that foods in these communities defy traditional conventions.

For example as I have covered previously juice is not predominant, instead you are apt to find "drink," as in Grape Drink or Orange Drink.




Also things like pork rinds and a blue soda are considered breakfast foods.

I have recently discovered that hood snacks are expanding in to not so hood areas.

The other day at work I got a bag of chips to go with my homemade sammy. I went to the store and grabbed a bag. I didn't really read the flavor but they looked spicy and delicious--definitely worth a try.

It wasn't until after I ate them that I noticed the actual flavor listed as "Red Hot Flavor," meaning that the flavor is named after a color and not an actual flavor which is the first sign you are eating a hood meal.




I applaud you Utz Food Company for brining your ghetto snacks to the masses in the West Village where yuppies can have the opportunity to poison their bodies with artificial flavors and high sodium content.

Bravo!

(Which is actually another brand of ghetto chips that I don't think has made the mainstream transition as yet)


If you can think of any more ghetto foods that you come across please share in the comments.

Unbelievable New Palin Political Ad

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Thanks BWE

Heroes Season 3 Premiere Review

BORING!!!

Ummm.....

I feel bad for the "actress" in this video. Being a video chick is extra tough when having to rub up against gremlin-eque Price wanna-bes.

These beads in his hair offend me to the core.




From Crunk and Disorderly.

Will Ferrell Answers The Tough Questions

See more Will Ferrell videos at Funny or Die

Can Not Deal With This EXTREME Cuteness

I think my head just exploded from the adorable factor.

I think I may have to break down and get a pup this year.

Special

pimp your myspace

Peace out Kathryn!

Today at work we bid farewell to my homeslice Kathryn (aka Katrina, aka Kathy, aka Salt).




Cristin at Eat Free Cake did an excellent tribute to Kathryn and I was jealous that I didn't think of it first so I copied her and decided to do a post as well. (mine probably won't be as good and I'm okay with that)

Anywho, here are the things that I will miss:

Scatting Skillz:
For some reason very soon after she arrived at Deep Focus Kathryn admitted that she loved Randy Newman and that she also was very good at Jazz Scatting. These revelations should have doomed her a complete loser but alas, she was kind of awesome.

See examples of the skills here (first 10 seconds)



Supermodel Skillz:
Tyra would be proud of Kathryn's ability to create wind as she works the catwalk. (Shout out to Ariel in the video)



Crazy Dance Skillz:
In an effort to remain friends with her I am not going to post the infamous dance-off video but suffice to say, Kallet gets busy on the dance floor. With moves similar to this:



Kathryn we will miss you and things won't be the same without you.

Instead of seeing you everyday I guess I will have to cope with seeing you every week at dance class, every other week at Antarctica, at various birthday parties, on Duke's roof-deck, at Cory's apartment, at karaoke and as someone's plus one at the holiday party.

So clearly I will never see you again.

Go forth and sell shit and make sure you invite us to the sponsored happy hours and not just the Media folks because they don't drink until they loose control and where is the fun in that?

Tender Forever,
Kim

I'm Not Sure Why This Exists

It's a blow-up slide shaped like a giant penis.

The Triumphant Return of Madchen Amick

Madchen Amick was hot shit back in the day.

She was like the second coming of Linda Fiorentino but with more girl next door accessibility.

She stared in a few wonderful erotic dramas in the 90s including the incredible Dream Lover which co-starred James Spader in all his sexy/sleazy glory.



She also appeared some wonderful night time soaps including Central Park West and had a three episode stint on Dawson's Creek.



We haven't heard much from Madchen until last week when she re-emerged as Catherine The Duchess on Gossip Girl where she is totes doing it all the time with Nate AND also seems to be becoming his pimp as he sets off on a path of man-whoredom.




I salute you Madchen. I look forward to your character starting mad beef and hopefully parlaying your success on Gossip Girl to a B- movie role where you get to make out with Julian McMahon.

HOLY SHIT!!!!

NEW GHOSTBUSTERS MOVIE!!!!!

Movies I Can't Stop Myself From Watching

I've decided to start a new regular feature called "Movies I Can't Stop Myself From Watching."

If you haven't figured out -- I watch A LOT of TV.

I have the cable package with the most premium movie channels that you can have (I think about 40). With these numbers the odds are likely that I will run into:

A. A movie I've wanted to see but I didn't want to pay 12 bucks at the theater and I always forget to add it to my Netflix cue (yes I have over 40 movie channels and Netflix).

B. A movie whose title and description is so weird, bizarre, or unheard of that I just have to stop and see what it's about. Example Population 436 staring Jeremy Sisto.

C. A movie that I should see in order to stay up to date with the cultural zeitgeist, although I've never really had a desire to see it. (Most Woody Allen films)

D. Lastly the films, both good and often bad, that I can not help but watch EVERY time it's on.

I swear it's hypnotic. I am sick in the head.

This weekend I watched for maybe the 30th time one of the all time classic "Movies I Can't Stop Myself From Watching" Tremors.




From Wikipedia

Tremors is a 1990 dark comedy monster film about a group of people from a small Nevada town fighting subterranean worm-creatures dubbed "Graboids". It was directed by Ron Underwood, and stars Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, Finn Carter, Michael Gross and Reba McEntire. It was followed by two sequels Tremors 2: Aftershocks, Tremors 3: Back to Perfection, one prequel Tremors 4: The Legend Begins, and the television show Tremors: The Series.

Why is this movie so great?

1. The Cast

The Dad from Family Ties



Kevin Bacon



Reba McEntire




2. The Special Effects





3. It's Quality
You can't deny the fact that it's straight up a pretty good B-Movie with an 88% Fresh Rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

So if you haven't seen this film yet I suggest you check it out at some point. If you don't have a million premium channels it's on the Sci-Fi Network once every 6-8 weeks so you can see it there.

Also please ignore the three horrible sequels and the television series that followed. The original is still the best.

Sneak Peek: Terrence Howard's Album

Um didn't you know?

Terrence Howard is releasing an album, set to hit stores September 2.

Yeah this guy:




I got a sneak peek at some of the upcoming tracks:

Track 1: Ode to baby wipes
Track 2: I'm picking a fight will Bill Cobsy
Track 3: No I've never been with a man before, why do you ask?

Bonus Track: Real men carry purses

To HEAR some of the songs on his album visit People.com. I caution you to avoid listening to this while consuming food or drink as it may possibly shoot out of your nose while you laugh.

Terrence, sorry to talk shit dude, you are a good actor but kind of a weirdo and definitely not a singer.

More Reasons to Love James Franco

Defamer has a great clip from last Friday's Jimmy Kimmel show where Franco describes his experience working on the upcoming film Milk including surprising script updates, working with Sean Penn and a prosthetic penis.

Choking the Chicken

Yesterday my co-workers and I were engaged in a heated discussion in an effort to determine why women are much less likely to openly discuss masturbation than men.

It's not an issue of propriety or morality because for the most part women are as graphic (or even more so) in their discussion of their sexual exploits than men are but you never hear a woman say, "Man I'm gonna go home and rub one out" or talk about the one time they gave themselves a stranger or brag about how often they masturbate in the same way that men do.

Why is this? Why are we so shy about discussing pleasing ourselves but not shy about talking about the blow jobs we gave last weekend?

Shows like Sex and the City talk around the issue by focusing on a specific trendy toy (Hello Rabbit!) but I'm sure none of those women would be willing to admit to each other that they were late for brunch because they were busy buffin the muffin.

In tribute to women who are ballsy enough to talk about it here are some of my favorite songs about self abuse.

I Seen Beyonce at Burger King

Reasons why this video is factually incorrect:

• Everyone knows that Beyonce is all about Popeye's not Burger King. Duh
• Secondly there is no way in hell that 10 dollars would get the double cheese burgers, onion rings, a shake and chicken strips.
• JC Penny does not carry House of Dereon so it's unlikely she would be spotted there. Perhaps Macy's or Sears?

Video of The Day

Corky + Public Enemy = Holy Shit why does this even exist???

Just in time for the Olympic Games

Kayne's new video for the single Champion had just been released.

Nice to see Kanye flexing his creative muscle in the video where a Puppet version of Kanye competes in the Olympic games.




One thing to note --Who is the extra with the huge ass that keeps walking in to the shots?






Um Hai!

G.W. is an ass man

Source

Sneakerburger

How cool is this?




Source

Helping Kids Give Up Hope Early

Virus Comix brings you a guide to dealing with your mundane and disappointing life called Things They Don't Tell You (But They Should).

This should be required reading for all young people who think that they will grow up to be rich, famous or special.

The odds are you won't be.

If you are lucky you will have a decent job, make it to middle management and have enough money to pay your mortgage, contribute to your 401K (good-bye social security), and send your kids to community college.

I've included highlights of some of my favorites below:

Rich People's Rooftops

Hey, want to feel bad about yourself?

Check out this Flickr gallery of ridiculously pimped rooftops in NYC.

Seriously I'm thrilled to have a fire escape with some plants in a window box.

Why Oddcast is Amazing

If you aren't familiar with Oddcast it's a technology that allows consumers to create customized animated avatars by uploading a photo into an video environment.

We can thank Oddcast for this cool site which allows you to commit a friend to the Arkham Asylum, a promotion that was tied to the release of The Dark Knight.

For my money the most incredible use of Oddcast technology to date is this:





http://www.talkingpets.org/


Basically you take a photo of a pet, type in text and the pet then recites the text in a variety of voices.

Ummm this is more fun than it should be. I used the famous Sugar Bush (If you don't know who Sugar Bush is I suggest you go here immediately) and envisioned what Sugar Bush would say to her owner if she could talk:



Click here: Example A




Click here: Example B




Okay you now have my permission to waste time at work.

New Dangers of Junk Food or How I Almost Lost My Finger Getting Ice Cream

In an effort to boost morale, we had an ice cream party at work on Monday.



Since then, there has been a bonanza of left-over ice cream in the refrigerator at work.

This is a problem for me because I am trying to avoid growing another chin--but goddamn I can't resist a frosty treat.

Yesterday I had mint chocolate chip. Today cookies and cream.

Having only access to plastic spoons at the office, I was having a hell of a time getting the ice cream out.

Ah ha! I'll use this big kitchen knife to actually cut the ice cream out.




Genius!






FAIL!


I don't know how, but I managed to basically slice my finger open in three separate places. The worst part is it took me more than five minutes to realize that I was hurt because I was so focused on eating my ice cream.



I have a problem.

Tomorrow, vanilla heath bar crunch and perhaps a severed thumb.

Dirty Food: Oyster Herpes

Internets are abuzz today discussing the outbreak of Oyster Herpes in France.

A herpes virus is killing young oysters in France because they have spent too much energy developing their sexual organs rather than their natural defenses, an oyster crisis team has found.

So many things to note here.

1. There is an "oyster crisis team"
2. Are oyster herpes communicable? I didn't know mollusks had sex.
3. Is anyone else disturbed by the thought of overly developed genitalia on their seafood?



>


Source

Daily Mail Headline of the Day

Bye Girl!!

I couldn't leave that monster as my final post of the day.

Instead, I leave you with a thing of beauty.




Source

Baby Cloverfield Monster??

Kidding.

But what the hell is this thing that washed up on a beach in Long Island?

Ewww. Government testing.

Pineapple Express -- The Review

Last Thursday my friends and I checked out an advanced screening of Pineapple Express followed by a Q&A with the film's director David Gordon Green at BAM in Brooklyn.





I had originally planned to include a few personal photos of the experience along with this post but WRONG. Before we entered the auditorium we were asked to turn in cell phones to be collected after the screening. I have to admit this was annoying because A. I don't have picture or video on my phone and B. that meant long lines entering and exiting to collect the cameras. Grrr. I then had to have my bag searched and I totally forgot that my camera was in my bag until security started yelling "Camera! Camera! She has a camera!" Seriously overreacting but whatever, I check my items and go in.

Upon entering the theater I notice the room rapidly filling up with a plethora of hipsters and film geeks and I look around the room and realize I am the only black person in the room. I mention this to my friend who then pointed out that no there were two other black people present which brought our totals up to 3 out of about 120 people which I guess sounds about right.

Eventually after waiting about 20 minutes the evening's host enters to introduce the film.

She was very pretty and very French which means I had to strain to understand what she was saying through her very heavy accent. Perhaps she may not have been the best person to choose to MC an event.

At this point my friend points out that Sam Rockwell is sitting in the row ahead of us which prompts me to get a lady boner (schwing!) and pretend to be cool as I crane my neck for a better view.

The director then goes to the front of the room and shares a few words of welcome with everyone and then it begins....

So, I'm not going to include too many spoilers for you (aww) because that would be no fun, but I can share my general perspective.

To be honest the first 15-20 minutes were not really funny even though people in the audience were laughing (albeit somewhat forced laughter). Eventually after the first half-hour of set up, the film finds its groove and is really really funny. Like LOL funny. It's the kind of movie that you want to buy later on DVD because the funniest parts aren't the big gags but that subtle one-liners that you may miss over the laughter of everyone in the audience.



Seth Rogen and James Franco were pretty good in their lead roles. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Franco isn't as thin as I thought he was.

Danny McBride in the role of Red pretty much stole the show every time he was on screen and the rest of the supporting cast was great. I will warn viewers that the movie is ridiculous, which is kind of the point, so please no complaints about anything being "unrealistic." All in all good fun. I will definitely go see it again in theaters, probably high this time (420!) and I will probably be that girl who sneaks in McDonald's into the theater to assuage the munchies.



At the end of the screening David Gordon Green held a Q&A. Most of the questions were painfully bad but here are some of the highlights from the discussion:

• The suit Seth Rogen wears in the film was selected solely on its ability to allow audiences to see his dick print through the pants.

• The name of the film came from the fact that the writers Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg just wanted to name a movie Pineapple Express--that's it.

• Huey Lewis was originally considered for the role of the main drug kingpin played by Gary Cole.

• During a scene where they are running through the woods James Franco is supposed to run into a tree but since he is a Method actor he totally goes for it and ends up cracking his head. Because of this, Franco wears a headband for half of the film to cover his head wound.
  

• A large percentage of the film is improvised.

• Gordon Green went to college with Danny McBride and once appeared nude in one of McBride's student films. As repayment, anytime McBride appears on one of David Gordon Green's films he is forced to wear the most awful outfits ever. In Pineapple Express he rocked a sweet box hair cut with a red mesh tank-top and a peach colored FUBU track jacket.

Pineapple Express hits theaters August 6th.