Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Bye Girl!!

I couldn't leave that monster as my final post of the day.

Instead, I leave you with a thing of beauty.



Baby Cloverfield Monster??


But what the hell is this thing that washed up on a beach in Long Island?

Ewww. Government testing.


Pineapple Express -- The Review


Last Thursday my friends and I checked out an advanced screening of Pineapple Express followed by a Q&A with the film's director David Gordon Green at BAM in Brooklyn.


I had originally planned to include a few personal photos of the experience along with this post but WRONG. Before we entered the auditorium we were asked to turn in cell phones to be collected after the screening. I have to admit this was annoying because A. I don't have picture or video on my phone and B. that meant long lines entering and exiting to collect the cameras. Grrr. I then had to have my bag searched and I totally forgot that my camera was in my bag until security started yelling "Camera! Camera! She has a camera!" Seriously overreacting but whatever, I check my items and go in.

Upon entering the theater I notice the room rapidly filling up with a plethora of hipsters and film geeks and I look around the room and realize I am the only black person in the room. I mention this to my friend who then pointed out that no there were two other black people present which brought our totals up to 3 out of about 120 people which I guess sounds about right.

Eventually after waiting about 20 minutes the evening's host enters to introduce the film.

She was very pretty and very French which means I had to strain to understand what she was saying through her very heavy accent. Perhaps she may not have been the best person to choose to MC an event.

At this point my friend points out that Sam Rockwell is sitting in the row ahead of us which prompts me to get a lady boner (schwing!) and pretend to be cool as I crane my neck for a better view.

The director then goes to the front of the room and shares a few words of welcome with everyone and then it begins....

So, I'm not going to include too many spoilers for you (aww) because that would be no fun, but I can share my general perspective.

To be honest the first 15-20 minutes were not really funny even though people in the audience were laughing (albeit somewhat forced laughter). Eventually after the first half-hour of set up, the film finds its groove and is really really funny. Like LOL funny. It's the kind of movie that you want to buy later on DVD because the funniest parts aren't the big gags but that subtle one-liners that you may miss over the laughter of everyone in the audience.


Seth Rogen and James Franco were pretty good in their lead roles. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Franco isn't as thin as I thought he was.

Danny McBride in the role of Red pretty much stole the show every time he was on screen and the rest of the supporting cast was great. I will warn viewers that the movie is ridiculous, which is kind of the point, so please no complaints about anything being "unrealistic." All in all good fun. I will definitely go see it again in theaters, probably high this time (420!) and I will probably be that girl who sneaks in McDonald's into the theater to assuage the munchies.


At the end of the screening David Gordon Green held a Q&A. Most of the questions were painfully bad but here are some of the highlights from the discussion:

  • The suit Seth Rogen wears in the film was selected solely on its ability to allow audiences to see his dick print through the pants.
  • The name of the film came from the fact that the writers Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg just wanted to name a movie Pineapple Express--that's it.
  • Huey Lewis was originally considered for the role of the main drug kingpin played by Gary Cole.
  • During a scene where they are running through the woods James Franco is supposed to run into a tree but since he is a Method actor he totally goes for it and ends up cracking his head. Because of this, Franco wears a headband for half of the film to cover his head wound.
  • A large percentage of the film is improvised.
  • Gordon Green went to college with Danny McBride and once appeared nude in one of McBride's student films. As repayment, anytime McBride appears on one of David Gordon Green's films he is forced to wear the most awful outfits ever. In Pineapple Express he rocked a sweet box hair cut with a red mesh tank-top and a peach colored FUBU track jacket.

Pineapple Express hits theaters August 6th.

Monday, July 28, 2008

New Crush

So I'm really late with my review of Pineapple Express (it's hilarious and I will have a review soon I promise) but I just wanted to take the time to point out my new obsession with Danny McBride who basically steals the movie.

He has ridiculous hair in Pineapple Express as well. I think that's his thing.


Friday, July 25, 2008

Is There Nothing Sacred Left?

Last night I was talking with a friend about my LOVE for the movie Red Sonja.

It was released in 1985 and started Brigitte Nielsen in the title role and Arnold Schwarzenegger as her love interest/ fellow warrior AND Erine Reyes Jr. who was in every shitty fighting movie in from 1985-1995.


After her family is murdered, a young woman named Red Sonja becomes a master of the sword and seeks revenge on the evil queen responsible for the mayhem that has befallen her. Also, it seems the queen has stolen a powerful, carefully guarded, glowing orb right before it was meant to be destroyed, one that has powers of its' own, allowing for the possessor to control elemental forces and call down storms and earthquakes, if they so wish. Kalidor, one of the individuals in place to oversee the destruction of the orb, joins forces with Red Sonja, as their paths may differ, but they ultimately lead to the same place. An impudent, young prince named Tarn and his guard/manservant Falkon, whose kingdom was unceremoniously wiped out by Gerden as a test for her newfound powers, soon joins them. Source

It's a classic bad 80's sword and sandal epic along the lines of Conan and The Beastmaster (also faves of mine). And it was good because Brigitte Nielsen was hot and kicked ass.


This movie was so bad that Brigitte Nielsen was awarded a Razzie in 1985 for worst actress and Arnold Schwarzenegger even admitted that it was the worst movie he ever did. Personally I think these are only reasons to love the movie more.

This morning I find out that my childhood pleasure is being corrupted by a remake of Red Sonja staring Rose McGowan and produced by Robert Rodriguez. Now I have nothing against Rose but she isn't the tough kick-ass broad that I would envision in this role. How about one of the chickys from The Decent or maybe even Lena Heady? Any suggestions?



Thursday, July 24, 2008

Quite A Few People In The World Have Seen My Penis

No not me silly, that's a quote from Spencer Elden, the baby from the Nirvana Nevermind album cover, who is featured on today's NPR Story of the Day Podcast.


Spencer is now your typical angst ridden 17-year-old who lives in Los Angeles and likes to say "straight up."


"I'm basically the baby on the Nirvana cover, quite a few people in the world have seen my penis--that's kinda cool..I guess. I'm just a normal kid living it up and doing the best I can while I'm here."


Spencer's father was apparently paid $200 dollars for his kid's participation in the shoot and after Spencer's image was chosen to grace the cover of the historic album, Geffen records sent the then one-year-old Spencer a platinum album and a teddy bear (awwww).

In a tragically ironic turn, NPR reports that Spencer likes techno.

They have guidos in L.A.?

It's an interesting listen check check it out.

Pineapple Express


I am going to check out The Pineapple Express tonight at BAM with a Q&A with the director David Gordon Green.

I've been excited about this since the Red Ban trailer came out a few months ago which was good because it was HILARIOUS but bad because people started abusing M.I.A's Paper Planes and kind of spoiled the song for me.

I'll let you guys know how if it lives up to the hype.

Bert and Ernie - Ante Up

I have such a weakness for these mash-ups.

When this song first came out it started so many fights at parties. Idiots would get a little too excited, start jumping around "throwing bows" and then next thing you know FIGHT. So it's a bit ironic to see this song from Sesame Street characters.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Hot Guys From The 90's That I Wanted To Do When I Was Underaged, But Wouldn't Touch Now

Do you know who I would have totally made out with in 1994?

Billy Zane.

Why do you ask?

Because he was handsome in a classic Hollywood way and he always had a certain smarmy-ness about him which was attractive in a "the type of guy who would would remind me that he is better looking than I am all the time" kind of way.



Also my love for Billy Zane led me to watch Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight multiple times--seriously, at least 10.

(Also let's never forget the horrible movies that Jada Pinkett Smith has been in. Never forget...)


But then something happened in the late 90's where his hottness drastically diminished. I think it was after his role as Cal Hockely in Titanic where Leo DiCaprio was just so much cuter than he was.

Or maybe it was when he started showing up in all those made for TV movies.

Or maybe it was when he appeared in a 3 episode arch on Charmed. He played Cupid I think.


Nah, it's probably due to the fact that he lost all his hair.


Is there potential for a hottie resurgence for Mr. Zane? Well this year he is scheduled to play the role of Ciara's manager in the BET Blackbuster film "Mama I Wanna to Sing!" So I'm guessing no.


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Facebook Marketing FAIL

Here is today's gift on Facebook:


Someone decided it would be a good use of their budget to invest $50K on this placement.

Raise your hand if you would give someone a "Smart Pen"as a Facebook gift.

No one?


Yes the majority of Facebook users are students and young professionals who regularly use pens I would imagine, but offering a generic looking pen as a Facebook gift is in no way clever or engaging. Perhaps the money would have been better spent sending samples to consumers, and if it were really a smart pen it would prevent people from stealing it off of my desk.

What Estelle Getty Meant To Me

You know how groups of women would try to identify who which Sex and the City character they would be? Not my friends and I. We always tried to figure out what Golden Girls character we would be. For some reason my friends said that I was Dorothy, which fucking blew, but I always wanted to be Sophia because she was hilarious and spunky and I imagine an incredibly strong woman due to her ability to give birth to the hulking Dorothy Zbornak (seriously I'm not that big).

Growing up I would watch this show in the afternoons with my mom as a part of a programming block that also included Empty Nest and Designing Women and whenever The Golden Girls theme song she would sing it to me and it always made me happy.

So I am going to tip my hat and pour out a little liquor to my favorite Golden Girl who will always live on in the hearts of those who lived through the mid-to-late 80's.

Elvis Meatballs and Bacon

My good friend Lina recently graduated from living in sin and got married about a month ago.

She and her husband are super cool and quirky and instead of going on the typical Honeymoon to a tropical isle they took a road trip to Tennessee, a mecca for all those who love country music, Elvis and food that will stop your heart.

She came back with little gifts for all of us and here is what she said reminded her of me:



First off, bacon is nature's candy. As I have previously stated. Secondly any recipe that is an "Authentic Recipe from Graceland" must be really good. Thirdly the picture of Elvis is great because it's the young and attractive version of Elvis whose use of too much makeup and self-tanner led the way for people like Lindsay, Cristina and Paris.

I think I will try this recipe over the weekend and base its success on how long it takes my fiancee to eat all of it without sharing.

What the fu*k are you looking at ?


New True Blood Poster

I must admit I obsessed with the Southern Vampire series by Charlaine Harris. They are so incredible and trashy, think Anne Rice meets Danielle Steele meets VC Andrews, and they all have glitter on the cover art.

Here is the new poster for the HBO series that if it is half as fun time tacky as the books then it should be awesome.


Monday, July 14, 2008

Video of the Day - Feist on Sesame Street

Super cute but for reals where is The Count?

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Asshole Mario

I am a HUGE Super Mario Fan. I stalked my friend for almost 2 years to get a free Super Nintendo from her.

Yes I am obsessed and I cameacross these videos today called Asshole Mario where someone has basically hacked Super Mario World and made it into the most impossibly difficult game EVER!

The videos are REAL long and a bit repetitive so you will totally fast forward but its kinda crazy to see how ridiculous this is.

Oh and by the way, have we met? I'm a huge nerd.

Prostitute Fashion Show

Prostitutes in Madrid recently put on a fashion show in a effort to help improve relations between the sex workers and local residents.

This makes no sense to me. I don't understand how a fashion show can help create unity. Also all of these prostitutes look like transvestites.