I'm Considering Breaking Up With the Internet

Primarily because of this.....

Seth Green Calls on Game Players to Rescue Prized BUTTERFINGER® Bar @ Yahoo! Video

Dude, Where’s My Bar?” an innovative online narrative game for consumers to help solve the mystery surrounding the October 2 theft of Green’s vintage Butterfinger bar. The “lite” alternate reality game starring Seth Green will call upon the clever, irreverent thinking of Butterfinger fans, as they compete to find and solve clues that could lead to the return of Green’s missing bar and a one-of-a-kind grand prize: a solid-gold Butterfinger bar worth $10,000.(Source)

Seriously?

Whaaa???

Enough with the viral videos and the "lite" ARG. This is neither interesting or engaging and contains two brands (Butterfinger and Seth Green) that separately don't hold significant cultural cache and together don't really make sense. And the title "Dude Where's My Bar" recalls the film with the almost identical title and honestly who wants to be associated with shitty Ashton Kutcher film?

I tried to do some research on Threshold Interactive the agency that created it but their site is down on the day of the big product launch. I'm sure they do great work (I'm sure...) but this made me want to punch my monitor.

Put this in my mouth IMMEDIATELY

Why is there no Burger King near my office???


This looks incredible. It will probably do terrible things to my insides but I still need to have it.

Serious Eats Gives the full rundown.

Lessons in Ghetto Foods

If you have ever spent time in an inner-city area you are well aware of the fact that foods in these communities defy traditional conventions.

For example as I have covered previously juice is not predominant, instead you are apt to find "drink," as in Grape Drink or Orange Drink.




Also things like pork rinds and a blue soda are considered breakfast foods.

I have recently discovered that hood snacks are expanding in to not so hood areas.

The other day at work I got a bag of chips to go with my homemade sammy. I went to the store and grabbed a bag. I didn't really read the flavor but they looked spicy and delicious--definitely worth a try.

It wasn't until after I ate them that I noticed the actual flavor listed as "Red Hot Flavor," meaning that the flavor is named after a color and not an actual flavor which is the first sign you are eating a hood meal.




I applaud you Utz Food Company for brining your ghetto snacks to the masses in the West Village where yuppies can have the opportunity to poison their bodies with artificial flavors and high sodium content.

Bravo!

(Which is actually another brand of ghetto chips that I don't think has made the mainstream transition as yet)


If you can think of any more ghetto foods that you come across please share in the comments.

Sneakerburger

How cool is this?




Source

New Dangers of Junk Food or How I Almost Lost My Finger Getting Ice Cream

In an effort to boost morale, we had an ice cream party at work on Monday.



Since then, there has been a bonanza of left-over ice cream in the refrigerator at work.

This is a problem for me because I am trying to avoid growing another chin--but goddamn I can't resist a frosty treat.

Yesterday I had mint chocolate chip. Today cookies and cream.

Having only access to plastic spoons at the office, I was having a hell of a time getting the ice cream out.

Ah ha! I'll use this big kitchen knife to actually cut the ice cream out.




Genius!






FAIL!


I don't know how, but I managed to basically slice my finger open in three separate places. The worst part is it took me more than five minutes to realize that I was hurt because I was so focused on eating my ice cream.



I have a problem.

Tomorrow, vanilla heath bar crunch and perhaps a severed thumb.

Dirty Food: Oyster Herpes

Internets are abuzz today discussing the outbreak of Oyster Herpes in France.

A herpes virus is killing young oysters in France because they have spent too much energy developing their sexual organs rather than their natural defenses, an oyster crisis team has found.

So many things to note here.

1. There is an "oyster crisis team"
2. Are oyster herpes communicable? I didn't know mollusks had sex.
3. Is anyone else disturbed by the thought of overly developed genitalia on their seafood?



>


Source

Elvis Meatballs and Bacon

My good friend Lina recently graduated from living in sin and got married about a month ago.

She and her husband are super cool and quirky and instead of going on the typical Honeymoon to a tropical isle they took a road trip to Tennessee, a mecca for all those who love country music, Elvis and food that will stop your heart.

She came back with little gifts for all of us and here is what she said reminded her of me:



Awww.

First off, bacon is nature's candy. As I have previously stated. Secondly any recipe that is an "Authentic Recipe from Graceland" must be really good. Thirdly the picture of Elvis is great because it's the young and attractive version of Elvis whose use of too much makeup and self-tanner led the way for people like Lindsay, Cristina and Paris.

I think I will try this recipe over the weekend and base its success on how long it takes my fiancee to eat all of it without sharing.

Product Review -- Heineken Light

My co-worker and I:

Kim (5:53:49 PM): thoughts on the light heineken?

Brian (5:54:01 PM): bland

Kim (5:54:04 PM): yeah

Kim (5:54:08 PM): its missing that tang at the end

Brian (5:54:13 PM): exactly

Kim (5:54:17 PM): who bought light beer????

Brian (5:54:18 PM): i like tasting the rivers of amsterdam

Kim (5:54:22 PM): lol

Kim (5:54:24 PM): exactly

Kim (5:54:30 PM): can i quote you?

Brian (5:54:34 PM): of course



The End

I Heart Tony

Ahh le sigh. What a lovely surprise to discover on this lovely President's Day that there is a "No Reservations" marathon today. I dig Anthony Bourdain. He smokes, drinks copious amounts of booze and loves pork. What's not to love?

A Woman After My Own Heart

This woman is awesome. After almost two weeks in a deep coma, as her grieving husband decides to remove her from life support, she utters the words: "Get me out of here.” Then she added another request: “Take me to Ted’s and take me to the Melting Pot.”

Ted's and the Melting Pot are two Mexican restaurants.

Now I am usually hella hungry when I wake up in the morning so I totally don't blame homegirl for having the munchies after being asleep for days on end.

Here she is on the today show this morning:



Source

Fucked Up Yet Hilarious

Watch. Laugh. Then hate yourself a little bit because you did.


Fat Kid Successfully Avoids Ridicule By Swimming With Shirt On

Dreams Do Come True

Someone invented salt that tastes like bacon. This is incredible. Bacon is nature's candy so the creators of Bacon Salt are essentially my new Willy Wonkas. The best part is it's vegetarian and pork free so PETA activists, Muslims and Wilbur lovers can all enjoy.



Someone please buy me this for Christmas.