Things I learned from Sex and the City 2

 I really did love the series. It was a thoughtful, inspirational, guilty pleasure.

However the films make me CRINGE.

My biggest problem is not the over-the-top, unrelatable, impracticality of the plot (I am a woman who loves True Blood. Tacky doesn’t bother me). My source frustration is that the characters refuse to freaking grow up.

• Carrie has everything she ever wanted and still complains
• Samantha’s whole horny routine is LAME. Her over the top behavior seems weird and desperate. 
• Charlotte is still whining all the time.
• Miranda is the only one with a lick of sense.

Any who, I won’t go into a full blown rant, but here a list of some of the things I learned from the film.

Don’t worry, there are no spoilers because there is barely a plot.

1. Liza (with a Z!!!) Minnelli is shockingly sprightly and light on her feet. Home girl may not be able to sing very well anymore but she can still move.

1. Gay dream wedding = Rogers and Hammerstein musical set (I gues???)

1. The characters in SATC live at an income level that make them no longer relatable to 99% of the population. In the series the women were clearly well-off but there were aspects of their lives that you could identify with—the women rented their apartments, Carrie had no savings, they took taxis. In the film this is not the case at all. These women are multi-millionaires who live absurd lifestyles. Carrie’s biggest problem is that she doesn’t want to spend time in her multi-million dollar apartment on the Upper East Side. Charlotte doesn’t like the Help.

1. Actors can  get top billing in a film for 2 minutes of work (I’m looking at you Penelope Cruz)

1. SJP’s does a lot of arm reps.

1. Pat Fields is punking us all. Seriously those outfits??

1. There is no limit to the number of bad puns that can be wedged in to a script.

1. Muslims are soooo weird and repressed. I mean come on,  they are offended by a woman giving a man a hand job at the dinner table in FULL view of everyone else. I mean seriously waaay to be uptight. Right? Right?

1. As the characters get more ridiculous, Miranda has evolved from the uptight one  to the most likeable and reasonable of the bunch. She also has some of the best outfits –the dress she wore to the wedding was awesome.

1. Bad behavior is rewarded with big jewelry.

1. It’s completely reasonable to wear couture to do housework.

1. Carrie’s upper torso must be horribly bruised from constantly sleeping in under wire bras.

1. Women are so desperate for entertainment options that speak to us that we have tricked ourselves into thinking these films are good and our blind enthusiasm for this kind of fluff demeans us (much like black people demeaning ourselves by going to see shit like Soul Plane).

P.S. : On the positive side, while the characters are absurd, I have to give props to the women who play these roles for being willing to age naturally. You can see every line on their faces but that does not distract from their beauty. (take note art department who turned them into photoshop horrors)

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