Veggie Monster

You know how some little kids are afraid to eat their vegetables--is this what veggies look like in their mind?

Live Blogging the Oscars – Kind of

7:00-7:10 – Tried to watch the red carpet coverage on E! but the painful banter between Ryan Seacreast and the guests is just too much. I think Jennifer Garner just ran away from Seacrest. Smart girl.

8:45 – Christ this Oscar montage is HORRIBLE. Earnest Oscar speeches to the sound track of Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On,” it’s too much, make it stop.

8:50 – Steve Carell just said shit.

8:58 -- Norbit did not win the one Oscar that it was nominated for. Eddie please stop. PLEASE!!

9:00 – Amy Adams’ song was totally cute. A nice break from the intense Beyonce sing offs of the past few years.

9:10 – Jennifer Hudson looks much hotter this year. Love the lady lumps in the white dress. Poor thing is having a hard time with the whole reading the teleprompter thing.

9:13 -- Whoo hoo Javier Bardem just won the Oscar. His character gave me nightmares just based on the 10 minutes of a bootleg film that I saw. Is it just me or is Javier getting exponentially hotter? I would also like to thank him for giving me an opportunity to bust out my 12^th grade Spanish to translate his speech.

9:34 – Christ there are a lot of montages. I don’t understand why we need a Best Supporting Actress montage. LAME

9:37 – My boyfriend just asked me if the Oscars only come on once a year. I don’t know how to respond to that. He is also very confused by all that is Tilda Swinton I say, what is there to be confused about, she is FIERCE and I love that she is who she is unapologetically.

9:46 – Lord James McAvoy is cute. I love his Scottish burrrrrrrrr.

10:01 – I wonder what Seth Rogen would look like with cornrows?

10:15 – Shit Marion Cotillard melted the ice off of my cold cold heart. I swear I teared heart. Hurrah for her. She was amazing in La Vie En Rose and seems like a sweet smart woman. Also love love her dress.

10:33 – I have no idea what is going on. I gotta stop drinking

10:36 – Aww this old man and his Life Time Achievement Award. It’s completely silent and all the celebs are trying so hard to look interested as opposed to nodding off.

11:40 – Shit is it over? I have to admit that I stopped paying attention. Well, congrats to all the winners and now that the writer’s strike is over I look forward to more great films in 2008.

Losers of the Night: Alan Menken; Lyric and Stephen Schwartz. They were nominated for 3 out of 5 awards in the best song category and lost. I mean the odds alone should have assured a win.

Winners of the Night: Foreigners!!! All the winners of the top acting honors are foreign born: Marion Cotillard, Tilda Swinton, Javier Bardem and Daniel Day Lewis. Maybe there is hope for me next year if they start giving out awards in the category of Random Trinidadian With No Prior Acting Experience. I can see it already…

A Game that Jenna Jameson would love

Wow. Today Game Daily is doing a feature on Naked Video Games and one in particular stood out for it's EXTREME grossness.

I'll let their description explain:

Beat 'Em & Eat 'Em (Atari 2600)
Mystique, the publisher behind Custer's Revenge, further pushed the envelope with this frankly quite disturbing game, in which large breasted ladies run back and forth trying to catch, um, stuff, being dropped by a perv on the roof.

So essentially a bukkake video game? I don't get it.

I Heart Tony

Ahh le sigh. What a lovely surprise to discover on this lovely President's Day that there is a "No Reservations" marathon today. I dig Anthony Bourdain. He smokes, drinks copious amounts of booze and loves pork. What's not to love?

I'm Fuc*ing Matt Damon

How do I change this video so it's me and not Sarah Silverman, and that it's not a joke but the truth.

Oh yeah Damon, come get some....